It was probably a year before I let anyone know I was ill and by that point I couldn’t work anymore.

I really just want everyone to let me be sick so I can get better.

Highlander gets it,  He lets me be sick and gives me room to get better.  I can’t fight something while at the same time living in a cloud of …

I fucking hate denial.

If it’s serious, let me say it’s serious because I sure and fucking hell don’t want to die of trivial cancer.  Please at least do me the courtesy of not diminishing the challenges I face.

“Here lays old Seven who died of some trivial infection or cancer - we’re sure it wasn’t that bad and she’ll be fine soon. Had she a better attitude and been a firm Christian this wouldn’t have happened to her and we’re positive it won’t happen to us.”

(Don’t diminish my successes either. )

Even if I don’t have Cancer - I have been really very sick for three years.

Yet - people I’ve known and even what few relatives I have left are like,

You’ll be fine
Sure it will be okay
It’s probably nothing
People get misdiagnosed with cancer all the time
It’s probably not that
I wouldn’t trust that doctor who thought you had cancer
There is a pill for that
Think positive
Pray and turn to Christ

And even though I have been sick for three years - no one ever asks me, “how are you feeling?”

They ask no questions.

I’m sorry people - I can’t afford you.  I’m sure you’ll need me, you’ll be calling, “Oh’ SO AND SO IS SICK.” I’m going to hang up.  Or not take your call.  Or delete your email.  And when you need something I’m really not going to care.  You’re trivial - not my health, not my happiness and well being.  I can afford to lose you.  I can’t afford to lose the fight with whatever the hell is wrong with me.

I’m out to get my life back.  I am going to get well.  You’re not going to recognize me.

I have worked really hard to change everything and I everyday that is what I work on - time to change things more.  Before it’s too late.  The ’system’ I was stuck in never was for me, lands how I hate the south with utter passion with its delusions of God.  I’m not sure what is me anymore, but that’s what writing this blog and all that is for really.

Well - that’s my rant for the day.  I’m going to go to the beach now and vegetate all day long watching the ocean come in and go out.  That’s the plan.  More baggage let go of means more room for beauty and peace.  All I really need is my family.

Inspirational Cancer Survivor (joke)

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